» Charles Carreon

Eat at Matt’s Shit Fo’ Brains

Tara Carreon — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 06:20:38 +0000

Excreta — I had never spent much time thinking about it until I started digging into Matt Inman’s website, and realized that he, a very smart guy indeed (in a bad way), is really into it! It’s everywhere, and in great variety. This explains the uniformity of the mental content of people who are big Inman fans. I examined the outpourings of Paul Levy of Public Citizen Litigation Group, Ken White of Popehat, Ann Bransom, a Popehat acolyte, Nate Anderson of Ars Technica, Joe Donatelli, flamous all by himself, Corynne McSherry of EFF, and Christopher Recouvreur.

There’s no difference among them, because Matt is pumping pure 100% shit through every one of them. In fact, if you can face the awful truth, you can just back up a truck to his place, and haul it away by the dumpster load. But shit-eaters have their brand loyalties. Most people like to eat shit that comes out of a nice, familiar face, so that’s why you can pay a lot, a little, or just eat free at Matt’s Shit Fo’ Brains! You might as well just eat Recouvreur’s free logs, because the nutritional content is no different than Levy’s Poop Platter. It’s all a matter of preparation and texture. While Corynne McSherry’s Fart Tart is indeed as light as air, it will stay with you for a long time. And even though Nate Anderson’s Crap Bisque at first seems pedestrian and devoid of all true coprophiliac panache, eventually you realize that this is true of all the food at Matt’s Shit Fo’ Brains. It’s just crap, any way you slice it.

Eat at Matt [Inman’s] Shit Fo’ Brains, by Tara Carreon

Matt’s Shit Fo’ Brains, by Tara Carreon

Menu:
[Public] Citizen [Paul] Levy’s Poop Platter ………. $79.99
Popecrap in Ken [Paul] White Sauce ……………… $49.99
Ann Bransom Diarrhea Souffle ……………………. $19.99
Nate Anderson’s Crap Bisque …………………….. $29.99
Joe Donatelli’s Anal Trifle ……………………,…… $ 3.99
Corynne McSherry’s Fart Tart ……………………… $16.99
Chris Recouvreur’s Big Logs ………………………. $ Free
100% PURE SHIT
TECHDIRT FREE DELIVERY

Rapeutation.com

_______________

Notes:

God Loves a Hypocrite, by Charles Carreon

When you look on this world
Filled with sadness and grief
You might think that death
Is your only relief
But if you could just learn
To lie through your teeth
You wouldn’t have to eat hamburger,
You’d dine on prime beef
Instead of smokin’ shake,
You’d be tokin’ fine spleef

Cause God loves a hypocrite
Sure as you’re born
And a lie’s the best shelter
From blame and scorn
The truth’s just plain trouble,
But don’t look so forlorn,
Just start spewin’ bullshit
You’ll find shelter from the storm

Some people are blessed
With a flexible tongue
That they occupy
With spreading cowdung
Whether lobbyists, lawyers,
Judges or thieves,
They make a fine dollar
From social disease
They all stand around
And share pats on the back
So glad to be one
Of such a fine bunch of chaps

Some think that lying
Won’t take you that far,
But to get someplace these days
You don’t drive a car
You fire up a printing press
And co-opt TV,
Rig polls and elections
Pay folks to deceive —
When the votes are all counted
What a surprise!
The one who wins
Is the one who lies.

The Grand Passion of Christopher Recouvreur for the Love of Matt Inman

Tara Carreon — Sat, 29 Jun 2013 05:14:50 +0000

It’s a beautiful thing when a bromance blossoms, and is fertilized with an offering of love. Christopher went through all the trouble of creating Charles-Carreon.com, of suing Charles Carreon, of flying to Washington, D.C. to be deposed by Charles Carreon, and even losing his job at Walgreens over his right to pretend to be Charles Carreon, for one reason — to express his love for Matt Inman of The Oatmeal.

But Matt has never thanked him, probably because Christopher is not very pretty. Matt is, whatever we think of him, fairly good looking in a gay kind of way. There’s a little poetry that’s been written about that already by a person who does not wish to remain nameless, but has been advised to do so for his own safety. And don’t think Charles wrote it, because it is far too metrically perfect to be his production. I mean, this poem is baroque! But I digress.

We were talking about the sad condition of Christopher Recouvreur’s mind. We suspect he has fantasy lovers, perhaps among them, some cute guys. Just sayin’. I mean, after all, or shall we say after yesterday’s decision by the Supreme Court overruling the Defense of Marriage Act, nobody has to be ashamed about any of this stuff. We are what we are. And Christopher is what he is, one twisted motherfucker. So when I depict him in this fashion, as some fool infatuated with a guy who won’t give him the time of day, I try to throw in some amenities. Cool wall decor direct from the Matt Inman collection, with the appropriate artistic transformation necessary to satisfy the copyright trolls, and a couple of darling little Pomeranians who are so dumb they would like Christopher. Of course, he probably wouldn’t blog nasty things about them.

Rapeutation.com

Going Nowhere Fast, by Joey Ramone

Hangin’ out with that sleazy crowd,
You’re goin’ nowhere baby,
They’re gonna gonna gonna bring you down
You better listen to what I’m sayin’
Girl, they’re gonna bring you down
Ba-baby, ah
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby

Hangin’ out with that same old crowd
You’re goin’ nowhere baby,
You’re goin’ to find out who your friends are now
It’s going to drive you crazy
Baby, they’re goin’ to bring you down
Ba-baby, ah
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby

Baby don’t let ‘em bring you down
Ba-baby, ah
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby
I’ve got to get away
If we’re gonna last
You’re goin’ nowhere fast
You just a bitchy baby
I’ve gotta gotta get away
I’ve gotta gotta get away
Oh, you just a bitchy baby
I gotta gotta get away
I gotta gotta get away
Ah, you just a bitchy baby
Ah, yeah
I’ve gotta gotta get away
Ah, you get so bitchy, baby

How Paul Levy of Public Citizen Helped Christopher Recouvreur Raise Himself

Tara Carreon — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 06:17:45 +0000

It is said that some people want to make themselves taller by cutting off other people’s heads. Christopher Recouvreur has used this method, but with the help of Paul Levy of Public Citizen, he was able to elevate himself well above the rest of us, taking the power of “free speech” farther than most people would want to — somehow getting the notion that spending all of his time pretending to be a person he doesn’t even know, and running their “satirical diary,” would somehow make him important. Perhaps he thought that when Descartes said that people see farther when they stand on the shoulders of giants, he should take it literally, and tried to climb up on top of the largest personality he could conceive of being able to ride, which turned out to be someone fairly modest in stature, i.e., my husband, Charles Carreon. While he has his gigantic characteristics, I don’t think that anyone besides myself will be able to build a fortune on his back.

What you’ve got to wonder, though, is how Chris thought it was such a wonderful thing to be able to pretend to be Charles Carreon that it would actually be worth suing Charles Carreon to get and keep that right forever, as if Charles were some type of economic perpetuity that would be dispensing benefit for years down the road. Again, maybe for me, but not for you, Chris.

Right about now, is it starting to feel utterly stupid, boring, and pointless to pretend to be Charles Carreon? Do you realize now that you are going to wear Charles Carreon as your albatross forever, and that the stupidity of your neurotic endeavor is going to stain your life with absurdity? Keep pulling, dumbass, you’re getting higher all the time!

Paul Levy of Public Citizen using one more bonehead psycho blogger to ramrod his inane concepts of First Amendment freedom through the courts.

GIVE HIM ENOUGH ROPE, by Tara Carreon
[Paul Levy] USEFUL IDIOT
[Christopher Recouvreur] MORE SPEECH!

Where Are You Going With Your Life?

Tara Carreon — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 23:08:35 +0000

Certainly it must occur to you, Christopher Recouvreur, that there’s got to be more to life than this thing you’ve got going on with your twitter accounts and your pretending to earn a living “selling things on eBay.” No doubt, your manic energy wears off at times and you engage in brief instants of self-reflection. Perhaps not spontaneously, but maybe with a little prompting from me, you will discover this activity. You sort of step back and imagine that you’re somebody else, who doesn’t know you, who hasn’t been pre-programmed by your social media persona as a dashing but somewhat disorganized champion of the standard “Patriot” agenda. You look at yourself from that perspective, like maybe the perspective of a Walgreens HR person talking to you about your activities at Charles-Carreon.com. Sort of uncharitable, just seeing things in the harsh, fluorescent light of the interview room. You look like a loser, a guy with misplaced priorities, who for the sake of a little online bonding with your bromantic idol that never happened because he doesn’t give a shit about you, put himself at the center of somebody-else’s free speech agenda, and ended up being represented by a bunch of left-wing Obama types who think you’re an idiot, a useful idiot, but still an idiot.

Now, after you look at yourself from that Walgreens HR perspective, or maybe from the perspective of your wife, who cannot believe that she married this tub of lard that only manifests signs of life when spasmodically engaging in digital wanking online, take a look at this picture. Of course, it’s not done by Matt Inman, so it doesn’t have that charming panache like his “I’d dragon kick a baby for you” postcard, (did you ever buy one of those for your wife, you big gorilla?). Nevertheless, it illustrates how humorous his style can be when personalized and brought home to you individually.

I’d Dragon Smash a Baby for You (A darling little boy (Gabe Recouvreur, son of Christopher Recouvreur) unfortunately being subjected to Inman-esque treatment), by Tara Carreon

Matt Inman’s “I’d dragon kick a baby for you” postcard.

Rapeutation.com

Bad Guys in Blue

Tara Carreon — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 03:03:34 +0000

Portland lawyers wear blue. You would see Portland lawyers in Medford, Oregon, standing on street corners, looking like total stiffs, dressed from lapels to cuffs in boring blue cheap suits. They were like an affront to style itself. That affront to style is a clue that they don’t care about trampling on little human concerns that might get in the way of their clients’ corporate interests. And these are the bad guys in my personal landscape.

Currently there’s this fellow, Duane Bosworth, one of the lawyers working for Penguin in their never-ending jihad to coerce American-Buddha into bending to their anti-library agenda. He’s so afraid that Charles Carreon will clean Penguin’s clock in Portland like he did in New York City, that he is fighting tooth and nail to keep Charles Carreon from being admitted pro hac vice to represent American-Buddha in the current Portland litigation. I don’t really know much about Duane Bosworth, but I bet it’s the first time he ever opposed an attorney’s pro hac vice admission in his entire life. And this is, of course, only something he would dare to do against Charles Carreon because of the huge rapeutation that has been conducted by the deranged forces that currently control the minds of innumerable zombie Internet users.

What’s at stake in the Portland litigation is the same thing that was at stake in the New York litigation where Charles Carreon backed American-Buddha through three courts, an appeal, and a certified question to the highest New York court — whether a little old small-time library can share its archives on the Internet with people from Arizona to Zaire. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if American-Buddha didn’t have a dedicated pro bono attorney willing to defend it. It doesn’t take a moment to realize that library freedom would perish from the face of the Internet. And guys like Duane, will be proud to have done their part in achieving that goal.